got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
