i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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