how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
