i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
