I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
