I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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