I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
