Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
