oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
