youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
