Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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