You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
