Banned from zoo.
Again?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
