Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Enjoy the penises
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
