do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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