worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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