the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
