Kiss
Puke
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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