Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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