pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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