DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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