I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
