i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
