Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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