So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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