Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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