dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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