If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
