I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
