my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
