i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
