Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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