I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
