Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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