Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
