highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
