I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You made out with two different species that night
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
