so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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