I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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