Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
