you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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