I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
