there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
