No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
