When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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