Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
