guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
