I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
