I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
