1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
