i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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