"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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