remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
