we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
