You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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