I smell stomach acid.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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