You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize