garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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