just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
