Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
