I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
