its not stalking. its research.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
