I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
