Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
