So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
