I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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