i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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