I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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