Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
