Plan B is the new Plan A
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize