wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
