he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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