I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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