I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
