When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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