I'm lost and stupid without you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
