Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
