I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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