Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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