you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
